This is Part 7 of a seven-part series of posts in which I write way too much about the movie Heckler. Read Part 6 here.
I've already rambled enough, so I'll try to keep this short.
The thing that keeps coming to my mind when I look back on my posts about Heckler is that the documentary - and my reactions - have all centered around self-honesty. Whether it's about an artist trying to figure out their own abilities, or it's a critic thinking through their own thoughts, the bottom line is that we would all love to express ourselves in a productive way, and yet we are often unable to do so. We cover things up with snark or despair, or we get distracted, or we get discouraged.
I write about a lot of things on this blog as if I actually know anything about them. The truth, if I can suffer it, is that I'm just some dork with a computer. I'm young, naive, and chatty. But the important thing, I think, is that I don't stop, even when I think I might be wasting my time or making a fool of myself. I don't want to give up on anything else in my life just because I get scared of rejection.
So, where do I go from here? I'll make a few promises to myself and try to hold to them:
1) Even though nobody's reading, I'll keep posting. It's a good habit to have.
2) I'll try not to write any in-depth negative reviews unless I feel like I have a really interesting point. Negativity can be fun sometimes, but aside from a quick blurb during the Week in Review, I don't think I can summon the energy to be that hostile for too long a time. That energy is better spent on my work.
3) Above all else, I need to be more honest.
I sometimes start writing with the snotty, douchey tone that the Internet seems to love. You know the kind I'm talking about, right? Where the author just knows things and speaks to you with a subtle condescension that is usually reserved for aging right-wing radio pundits? It's a vile way to approach a topic. People like to think in terms of certainty and demarcated "good" and "bad" zones. But I don't think people necessarily want to hang out with folks who act that way. A bit of honest confusion now and again is probably comforting.
It's not that I have a problem with not being neurotic enough. It's just a matter of not hiding. To write something freely and move on. I'd like that.