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Tales From My Shitty House: My Shitty Bathroom, Part 1

This is was my shitty bathroom.


You're seeing it here without the fixtures.  It's probably for the best, since the sink, toilet, and tub were such horror shows that I don't really want anybody to know that I had been using them.

The walls, like much of the rest of the house, were combination of shitty wood paneling (far right), peeling lead paint (center) and crumbling plaster (far left).


My solution to this was the same cheap-ass fix I used everywhere else: buckets and buckets of joint compound.

It's not smooth.  It can be a pain in the ass to paint.  And it's not always especially attractive.  But for under $300 I was able to encase all the lead paint in our house and stabilize all of our walls, so it'll do for now.  Maybe some day when I'm a multimillionaire author I'll come back and have the walls redone more properly.

Anyway.  That's a derail.  The point is that the walls in the bathroom have undergone the same treatment so they're no longer flaking off bits of grossness any time you come close.

You might also have noticed that the floor looked like utter crap.  Going back to picture #1 above, the lighter-colored floorboards were put in place well after the others - I can only guess as to what motivated it, but they weren't stable.  At all.  The floor sagged in that spot any time you stepped in it - and since the toilet was centered in the middle (right where that blue bucket is), every time you had to take a dump was an adventure.

"I can't tell whether that was the Buffalo wings, an earthquake, or a shitty bathroom...."


The floor beneath the tub was in particularly bad shape.  I always joke with Stephanie that our house has no right angles or level floors.  That's obviously an exaggeration - it's more like 50%.  But this section of the floor was especially bad.  All the boards were splintered and warped beyond recognition, some of them were actually broken through, and all of it was covered up by four layers of leftover scraps of linoleum - as if that would solve the problem.  I have no idea how it supported the weight of a cast iron clawfoot tub for the last 50+ years.

Speaking of the tub.


A lot of folks in the city take these out front and use them as planters.  While I appreciate that they're re-purposing the tubs, I feel like it's such a waste.  New ones are so expensive!  No way in hell are we getting rid of this thing.  Just need to give it some new paint and it'll be good as new...

...except that it's missing a foot?


Shit.  You don't notice these things when you start a job.  Well, let's just see how much it costs to find a replacement...


...never mind.  Even assuming that these feet were the right match - which they probably aren't - our budget for this project is about $300 total and most of that is going to the new shower riser and floor tile.

Looks like we'll just have to use the bricks that the previous occupants had.


And at least the tub doesn't look half-bad now that it's been painted.


Perfect.  Let's just put everything in place on our fancy new tile floor and our bathroom should be good to go!


Looking good so far.  Still need to hook up the shower riser and scrub out that tub really well, but at least it's stable and fully-supported, right?


Goddammit.