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I Think I Didn't Get "Into the Woods" (2014)

I think I don't get musicals.

The part where everybody's singing and dancing makes sense.  But when all the lyrics are terrible and repetitive and the music's just kind of like long, bland, Rex Harrison sing-talking?  And that horrible mush of sound is used as a substitute for a narrative or exposition?  So you basically just have a bunch of characters making anti-music and saying how they feel, and then eventually Meryl Streep comes in dressed like your second grade teacher during the annual Halloween play and she hams it up like a third-rate Vegas act?

I don't get it.  Am... am I supposed to feel like I'm being condescended to?  Is that part of the fun?

As much as I'm sure it sounds like I'm being a dick right now, I'm really not trying to be sarcastic or mean.  I just honestly don't understand why there are people who had fun with Into the Woods.

The film seems to be generally well-regarded, but I just... I just... I don't know.  I kinda hated this movie.  But not the sort of hate that I feel for something like, say, Transformers.  It's not a movie that made me question the future of America, nor was I upset by its lack of moral fiber.  It just seems like I'm somehow deaf to whatever it's trying to say.

I can see that the cast and crew had a tremendous amount of talent and they did stuff I certainly am not capable of doing.  I just can't believe that the final product can look like this and folks all over America would be excited to see it.

It's just so... stupid.

Guys, this movie actually ends with the characters sincerely singing to the camera about how wishes are like our children and need to be protected.  Are you kidding me?  Even direct-to-DVD Tinkerbell movies don't get that saccharine.

Also, I hate to harp on Streep, but she was easily the worst part of this deviled ham sandwich - no, worse.  This is the absolute worst performance of hers I've ever seen.  She spends the better part of the movie Wiseauing out in a Party City costume.  You guys really thought she deserved an Oscar nod for this?

I guess she spent so much of her career bringing nuance and talent to her roles that you were just excited so see her completely bomb the crap out of something?  Is this kind of like how Denzel spent his whole life playing challenging and/or powerful roles, and then you decided to give him an award for Training Day?

It struck me as such a simplistic and over the top movie.  It looks like the kind of production that even drag queens would watch and go, "Oh, honey, you need to turn that down a notch."

I don't know.  When everybody else loves something like this so much and I hate it, I can't help but feel like I'm missing something.  Maybe my soul's too acidic to bear it.

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