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Moving Update - Decluttering, Phase 1

As noted in past weeks, I'll have less time to spend on my typical weekly writing updates, so today you're getting a quick moving update instead.

The move is going a lot faster than I expected.  Steph and I only made our decision final about three weeks ago or so, but we already have an agent and have been pre-approved for a new mortgage.  The living room is in disarray while we start the decluttering process, and I have tentative plans to get the first couple loads of boxes into storage within the next week or two.

I got hit with a pretty heavy emotional moment the other day when I first started packing up our DVD collection.  The reality of leaving our current house behind and the stress of finding a new one set in.  And all the old emotions came swirling back again.

Immediate nostalgia for the good times we had here.  Resentment that we never got the help we thought we would to fix up the place.  Excitement that the next house will have a dishwasher.  Impatience for the air conditioning we'll have one day, so that I'm not sweating in a 100-degree oven the next time I pack up our crap.  Hope that the trees we planted in the backyard won't get immediately uprooted by the new owners.

I keep finding myself feeling nervous, but not in the "oh, things are going to be different now" sense.  Change doesn't really bother me - I've learned to embrace change, or at the very least, to accept it and not spend my time griping that the world doesn't stand still.  The nervousness I'm feeling is a very specific kind.  It's sort of like there's a part of my brain that's saying, "Is it okay to do this?  Am I going to get caught doing something wrong?"  Like, whenever I would miss a day of school or work, this part of my brain turns on and starts saying, "Everybody knows what you're doing.  They're onto you.  They hate you right now.  When you see them again, they're going to stare at you and judge you."

I have no idea why that part of my brain activates.  It yells at me any time I initiate a change in my life.  When I decided to switch majors in college, much to my dad's frustration.  When I decided I didn't want to be a teacher any more.  When I decided to self-publish my first book.  Any time I've decided to switch jobs.  When Steph and I first truly got excited about having kids and she got pregnant.  Even when I bought a flat screen TV.  Pretty much any time I make a decision to stop accepting something in my life that I don't like or to fill in a gap in my lifestyle.  Any time I decide to do something that will make me happier and more content, this part of my brain yells at me.

Ironically, this part of my brain very rarely, if ever, speaks up when I do something shitty.  Like when I used to download music not-so-legally back in my snotty adolescence?  Never once said, "Hmm, I wonder if the FBI will find out."

Somewhere along the line, I was trained to believe that living uncomfortably in a house that I can't afford to fix up was a more noble option than taking it easy in a nicer house and spending my spare time and money on my family.  My training was bullshit.  I should get a refund.

But anyway.  I'm here now, the process is going forward, and it's just a matter of time before I put all the pieces back together in greener pastures.